I realized tonight that 10 years ago I almost had an experience like Tolle’s.

First a little background…

Growing up I had lucid dreams and semi-lucid ones at the end where I feel myself pulling through layers to return from the dream world to the waking world.  I have also been heavily interested in religion and in particular Revelations and what happens after we die.  At that time I had purchased “Wherever you go, there you are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn, and I was familiar with meditation and the lying down meditation in particular since that is the easiest for a beginner.

… So I was lying on my couch not really sleeping, but drifting some.  I felt a roller coaster rush and I was being pulled through a tunnel.  Those that have drunk before know how the darkness spinning can feel if you have had quite a few.  I was not drunk at the time, but it had a similar feel to that.  However, instead of darkness there were colors.

Quite honestly it scared me.  It felt like death, and I was not ready to die.  I was not ready for the experience that Tolle was able to accept.  I didn’t understand what was dying.

I do now.  I recognize that as the ego.  And in some ways I kick myself for not recognizing it then.  For not being able to accept it, but if it wasn’t for that experience and all those in between and before, I would not be writing this now.  I needed to swim in the sea of ego and ride the waves.

I am ready to swim to shore.