Why do I fight so much with the ones I love?  It seems sometimes that I put all of the anger that I have from the outside world onto them.  I guess it seems impolite or out of place to go off on a co-worker, and I know that my family will forgive.  It is absolutely no excuse that I project my anger onto them.  They are the ones that I love the most and they are the ones that feel the brunt of my rage.  If this Inner Engineering course does nothing besides help me manage and understand my anger then I will consider it a success.  That is the thing that I need most right now.  Enlightenment and the universe can come later.  I need peace with my family and peace with myself.

So the biggest realization of the night, my wife told me that I think that only what I think counts.  This hurt me quite a bit.  I try to value other people’s thoughts and ideas, but at the same time I see myself pushing my own agenda.  But this brought forth a bigger question for me, how can what I see be a projection of the mind, but at the same time a projection of everyone else’s mind as well?  Mirrors bouncing off of mirrors.  Indra’s net.  Whatever you want to call it.  How can the world exist with multiple viewpoints/multiple minds, but they all pretty much agree on the same physical reality?

What is the reflection based on?  What does a mirror see when it looks at another mirror?  There is somehow a shared experience going on.  An external influence creating an object that all of the other mirrors reflect.  Maybe it isn’t a still object.  Maybe it is moving like a hand between mirrors.  What is it?  Is it the true self?  But mirrors are just mirrors.  They are not the object itself.  We are somehow observing the true self.  It just reminds me of this koan:

“Late one night a female Zen adept was carrying water in an old wooden bucket when she happened to glance across the surface of the water and saw the reflection of the moon. As she walked the bucket began to come apart and the bottom of the pail broke through, with the water suddenly disappearing into the soil beneath her feet and the moon’s reflection disappearing along with it. In that instant the young woman realized that the moon she had been looking at was just a reflection of the real thing…just as her whole life had been. She turned to look at the moon in all it’s silent glory, her mind was ripe, and that was it…Enlightenment.”

CHIYONO NO MOON, NO WATER

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