English: The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso in...
English: The 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso in Antwerpen, Belgium 2006 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is easy to see my kids as projections of myself.  i don’t mean that they are not independent people, but I definitely see myself in them.  The way that they act.  The things that I hate about myself are the things that I see first in them.  They yell at each other.  They are bossy. These are all things that upon self-reflection are my own issues.  I cannot correct anything in them.  Whether internal thought or external action, they pick up on my vibe, and they cling to my example.

Their shyness is my own.  Their anger is mine.  But I cannot take just the bad right.  I cannot just see my negative qualities and how much I hate myself.  I have to see the good.  I have to see the love and caring.  I have to see the intelligence and creativity.  They are as just me as the anger.

I tried to take today and be as much of an observer of thought and action as I possibly could.  I tried to step back and let things happen without putting my old way of thinking into play.  I tried to take today to change.

I had got my wife a Kindle Fire a couple of weeks ago for an early Mother’s Day/Her Birthday/Our Anniversary present.  I realized this morning lying in bed that I couldn’t let that stand as her gift for Mother’s Day.  Last year I planted a small flower garden and I wanted to continue that tradition as much as possible.   The day before I had put a short fence around the area to keep the dogs out and I put the compost down.  So the decision this morning to do that for her wasn’t a spur of the moment one.  But yesterday we had a pretty good fight, and that made me selfishly not want to plant the garden.  The revelation this morning when I got up is that I needed to do this for her and me.  What will be remembered in a couple weeks?  The argument or the flower bed?  And my wife did appreciate it.  I can’t ignore that.  I think that she was really touched that I did that for her.

Giving your anger the instrument of words and actions is like giving a child a pile of straw and a box of matches. Once lit, anger feeds off the air of exposure and can rage out of control.  The only alternative is to control anger, and the way to do this is to thinking, What is the value of anger? What is the value of tolerance and compassion.

The 14th Dalai Lama – Tenzin Gyatso

On the ride to my mom’s for Mother’s Day, my youngest was in rare form.  He was sleeping and my wife reached back to adjust his car seat because his head kept flopping.  Well, he woke up all pissed off.  Which is a little understandable, but he just has severe anger issues.  (Which again sounds familiar to me.  We are having him evaluated for “sensory” issues tomorrow.  I am not sure what all that means, but he definitely experiences the word differently than most.  He is very particular about his pants wanting to wear only  ones that are super tight calling the others “too wiggly”.  Long aside.)  So he is yelling in the backseat wanting her to put it back up.  When she does put it back up he starts yelling for her to put it back down.  I am trying to keep calm and ignore it, but my wife is at her breaking point too.  I pull the car over and get him out of his seat.  I am trying my best to stay calm and not push any more anger into the situation.  As best as I can I have him understand that it is wrong for him to yell and scream and that is not the way to get what he wants.

Who is teaching who here?

The connection between compassion and egolessness goes both ways. When we let go of the self, we are more inspired to work with others; and when we are generous to others, we realize that the self is lost.

We begin to lose our ego fixation. So when we are generous to that, we begin to lose this; and when we have lost this, we become more capable of dealing with that. At that point, the shedding of ego is a mutual situation.

From The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma. Volume Two: The Bodhisattva Path of Wisdom and Compassion, page 14.

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