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I email my new friend that I think that some of my hesitation with IE was that I was afraid that if I followed SG I would need to leave my family and friends. Silly thoughts, but those are ones I had at the time. This was new to me, and I was wary of what was happening.
My email on August 17th:
Sorry for all the emails. Your inquiry has put me to pondering a few things and taking a deeper look at the Inner Engineering event. It is also good to talk with someone with similar interests. So thanks.
Anyway, I have been thinking the experience and your question on why I was so “indifferent” on it. I think that some or most of it was me thinking… If this is a life changing experience, what happens to my family? Will I go join Sadhguru and live at an ashram? (And there is an Isha ashram in Tennessee, which isn’t too far from me.) But, what will happen to the people that I love, if I decide to walk that path, and maybe they don’t walk it with me. It seems ridiculous now typing it out, but those were some thoughts going through my head. And some of this is clinging to impermanence, but it is still there right? How would they be taken care of? Would I miss them?
To see the video of people crying and the transformation that they felt… Honestly… I wasn’t ready for what it might mean.If it means leaving my family… I still don’t think I am ready. I believe and feel a lot of what SG says, but when I think about giving up that, I just don’t know if I could do it. And I guess I didn’t.But I don’t know if it has to be a commitment like that. Maybe that is the way for some, but not all. Maybe at some point it does lead to that to achieve the ultimate spiritual path. I never read or heard anything that indicated that was the only way. I never thought to raise my hand and ask that question.I do kick myself sometimes for some of the opportunities that I think I missed. I had pretty close and direct access to SG, but I didn’t take advantage of it.If it is my path, it will be my path. As odd as it sounds, I think I will meet him again. Maybe then I will be ready or at least be able to inquire to him directly without fear.
Jaggi’s Email August 18th:
I think you may be taking an “all or nothing” approach to SG. There are many
ways to express or experience spirituality. Why would you have to abandon your
family and or join the ashram? From what I have read-admittedly not much- one
can grow and be in the world, and still develop the spirit.It made perfect sense when you described yourself as being one of the few white male faces there.
I have read comments that SG appeals to Indians and many North
American women. Consider how many people go to church on Sunday or synagogue
on Saturday. You will usually find more women. Factor in age or color and you
may see superficial differences in what appears to be the target population.
What is the expression? Correlation does not equal causation? You were not ready
for SG perhaps. I watched the link you sent about wanting to drive the bus.
There is a lot of wisdom there.On Monday I saw Amma- have to send you her proper name. She studied with SG and was the connection to the body/mind. My friend went and took me. Like SG, she is rooted in reality, but she may be more directive. She does not have an online presence like he does so it is more difficult to connect with her. She also
filtered through body and mind to the small still place. She said the purpose of
Hatha yoga is to prepare the body for meditation, that we need to accept that
our anger is our take on the way the world acts and that we must be aware. She
used an analogy that made me laugh: to focus and analyze anger is like trying to
understand or avoid potholes. If you look T them, you just drive into them. I do
that a lot. Literally.
Maybe you need to meditate and not think where this leads you. SG is not
pressuring you to abandon your life; this is not a cult. (I am too y focused
for a cult but one day I could have the same questions. It is all very difficult
for me to let things wash over and to not analyze. I am a “think therefore I am”
person so just experiencing is plenty challenging. I suspect that that is what
is meant by living in the present. But it is very hard. Amma said to be like a
cloud. I have to remember to float…like a butterfly. Mohammed Ali may have
been talking about more than boxing.Sorry for the meandering.
My reply back August 18th:
I think you have hit the nail on the head, and I think that is why I thought it was so ridiculous as I wrote it to you… I have been taking it as all or nothing and as such trying to control it.
I have heard of Amma before and how people line up to meet her for an embrace. I am glad that you were able to meet her. I assume you must be in India since that is where she was on Monday for India independence day.
As seems to be the case lately, Sadhguru is reaching me through my Google searches. 🙂 I Googled amma sadhguru and came across the link which more or less shows you can be in the world and develop spiritually.
And then following the trail on through to the story of his enlightenment.
He seems to be genuine wishing enlightenment and freedom for all.
Thank you for your reply and thoughts. I don’t mind the meandering, I enjoy it. I will read and view a bit more on Amma.
My best to you
I start using the pothole analogy with my team at work. I find this to be true, and I can relate to kayaking as you go where you focus. And in life, if you focus on negative or anger, you go there.
This gives me a lot to consider. Jaggi is very interesting in his responses, and also periods of silence. There seem to be certain things that I say that trigger a response. I don’t really know much about Jaggi at this point. I can’t help but search on certain things, so hopefully he doesn’t feel as if I am stalking by finding out where Amma was on August 15th. This does put Jaggi in India, but it doesn’t really matter. I am here more for the conversation.
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