Where our mind is at the 95% of the time is what we attract into our lives. What an amazing insight! I can spend time when I meditate or am alone to think about the things that I want and where I want to be. But that makes me lose focus on where I am and the gratitude that I should show. At one time or another, I thought about what I wanted. The reality that I am living in now is pretty much based on that thought. My discomfort with the moment is where I am vs. where I think I should be.
It is easy to see my kids as projections of myself. i don’t mean that they are not independent people, but I definitely see myself in them. The way that they act. The things that I hate about myself are the things that I see first in them. They yell at each other. They are bossy. These are all things that upon self-reflection are my own issues. I cannot correct anything in them. Whether internal thought or external action, they pick up on my vibe, and they cling to my example.
Their shyness is my own. Their anger is mine. But I cannot take just the bad right. I cannot just see my negative qualities and how much I hate myself. I have to see the good. I have to see the love and caring. I have to see the intelligence and creativity. They are as just me as the anger.
I tried to take today and be as much of an observer of thought and action as I possibly could. I tried to step back and let things happen without putting my old way of thinking into play. I tried to take today to change.
I had got my wife a Kindle Fire a couple of weeks ago for an early Mother’s Day/Her Birthday/Our Anniversary present. I realized this morning lying in bed that I couldn’t let that stand as her gift for Mother’s Day. Last year I planted a small flower garden and I wanted to continue that tradition as much as possible. The day before I had put a short fence around the area to keep the dogs out and I put the compost down. So the decision this morning to do that for her wasn’t a spur of the moment one. But yesterday we had a pretty good fight, and that made me selfishly not want to plant the garden. The revelation this morning when I got up is that I needed to do this for her and me. What will be remembered in a couple weeks? The argument or the flower bed? And my wife did appreciate it. I can’t ignore that. I think that she was really touched that I did that for her.
Giving your anger the instrument of words and actions is like giving a child a pile of straw and a box of matches. Once lit, anger feeds off the air of exposure and can rage out of control. The only alternative is to control anger, and the way to do this is to thinking, What is the value of anger? What is the value of tolerance and compassion.
The 14th Dalai Lama – Tenzin Gyatso
On the ride to my mom’s for Mother’s Day, my youngest was in rare form. He was sleeping and my wife reached back to adjust his car seat because his head kept flopping. Well, he woke up all pissed off. Which is a little understandable, but he just has severe anger issues. (Which again sounds familiar to me. We are having him evaluated for “sensory” issues tomorrow. I am not sure what all that means, but he definitely experiences the word differently than most. He is very particular about his pants wanting to wear only ones that are super tight calling the others “too wiggly”. Long aside.) So he is yelling in the backseat wanting her to put it back up. When she does put it back up he starts yelling for her to put it back down. I am trying to keep calm and ignore it, but my wife is at her breaking point too. I pull the car over and get him out of his seat. I am trying my best to stay calm and not push any more anger into the situation. As best as I can I have him understand that it is wrong for him to yell and scream and that is not the way to get what he wants.
Who is teaching who here?
The connection between compassion and egolessness goes both ways. When we let go of the self, we are more inspired to work with others; and when we are generous to others, we realize that the self is lost.
We begin to lose our ego fixation. So when we are generous to that, we begin to lose this; and when we have lost this, we become more capable of dealing with that. At that point, the shedding of ego is a mutual situation.
Today I went to Lowe’s with my wife to look for a new oven. At one point I am looking at the ovens and she is just looking at me. I ask her why she is doing this, and she replies that she is waiting for me to make a decision since it is my decision. I have seen myself be over-controlling before, but this time I have caught myself in the act. I make an effort to get her give her input on what she wants, so that it will not be my choice. I have to push her a bit. I think her reluctance is reflex reaction from her normally giving in to what I want.
An associate comes over and asks us if we need help. I tell him that we are trying to figure out what we want and he asks “What is it you really need?” And isn’t this the biggest thing that there is? We must let go of our wants and expectations and find out what it is that we really need.
The main concern for starting to pick out the oven is simply the type of oven to get (built-in, standalone, slide-in). As part of getting a oven, we want to redo the counter-tops as well, so we are pretty open on the type. The associate suggested that we look at the counter-tops first. He said that there are a number of things that we can do and we should just “have fun with it.”
In counter-tops, my wife was a little more open to giving her opinion. She knew that we didn’t want to go too expense, so she stayed around a good price point and picked out a few that she liked. In looking through some of the displays the kitchen associate indicated that we need to think about a back-splash as well. She was very upfront on things that we can do to save money. Of course by us saving money on labor,which Lowe’s contracts out, we have more money to spend on materials and put into Lowe’s pockets. Oh well, I am OK with that. 🙂
We then made our way over to tile and picked out a few options that we like for the wall and backsplash. I asked the associate there what I need to do to prep the wall for the tile. He said that I can just use the tile glue and it should be fine. He also told me “don’t make it any harder than it is.” I guess it was this last one that really stuck out to me. Different little signs or suggestions on how I can make this experience better. Things that I need to focus on or let go of. And to think that it started with me letting go of control on picking out the oven.
What you are, what you think you are and what others think you are, are all different. What is the real you? What you think you are is shaped by what you think others think of you. You have developed a way to think of yourself that you would like others to adopt. Unfortunately, other people experience you and they have their own ideas about what you are. Sometimes they will think better of you and sometimes they will think worse. Mostly what they think of you is all tied up in what they think of themselves. Somewhere in there each of you has a real you that is lost in all those ideas.
In order to get a sense of the real you, you need to notice what it is that you want people to think about you. If you notice a difference between what you think about you, what you want people to think about you, and what you think people think of you, the real you lies in that difference. You are not right, they are not right, there is an unknown something in there that is the real you.
Most of our energy is spent creating and projecting and protecting an idea of ourselves that is constantly changing. Beneath it all is something, something wonderful.
I don’t really see my feet when I am walking. I wonder if they are really there or if they are there only when I am looking at them. It is the thought of the feet that propels me forward, not the feet themselves. My idea of how a foot behaves in conjunction with the rest of my body that I cannot see. Obviously, if you start with feet, then you have to move on to everything else. Good luck.
My wife’s mom wants to take our kids to see “Rise of the Guardians” this weekend and we took a look at the trailer to see what it is about. It looks to give a backstory to some of the mythical creatures that a lot of us believed in while growing up and then follows them on a quest to defeat the boogeyman. It looks pretty cool and I am a little jealous that the in-laws are taking them, but they may want to see it again. It got me thinking about what it was like to actually believe in something that seems really absurd now that we are adults. The wonder that they feel and they see the proof that the belief exists because they get presents, or their tooth is not there the next morning. What it must be like to have that wonder. And of course that got me drawing parallels to religions. We see signs of something. Something that makes us believe or things that make us not believe. It can be blind faith, scientific fact, or years of research; but there is still that feeling that justifies our understanding of the universe.
But what if those feelings or signs are just like the presents on Christmas. They are real to us and we have reasoned an explanation in our mind based on things that we have been told. What if there is some force putting signs out for us? Different signs for different people. But at one time or another we see or feel those signs, whatever we need that proof or disproof to be. What is the force putting those signs out there? The only answer that rings true is the cosmos, and just like parents help give us beliefs to help experience the world, the cosmos is doing the same for us. It is giving us what we need to experience the universe. We are children of the cosmos. We are the same as the cosmos itself.
It amazes me how salesmen have the ability to use words to get you to do or think what they want you to do or think. They play to what they think you want to hear to allow you to trust them. And they don’t have to be selling a physical product. They don’t even have to be selling for a company. They can just be selling themselves.
Keep at least one for yourself
If you want to know what someone thinks about you, ask. If someone asks you, tell them.
Our memory seems to be a pointer to just a piece of the full memory. It is minimal information that we use as a reference point. Maybe it is just at first a feeling that we then think of a situation that reminds us of that feeling. It stands as a marker and we expand upon that. We make it bigger until it spawns out and suits our view of the world and ourselves. It seems key to let go of that. The need to identify with the feeling.