I am Grateful

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Inspired by this post by Lorane Gordan, I want to stop and really list out what I am grateful for.

It’s not so much the expression you make 5% of the time that combusts into a manifestation. It’s the expression you make 95% of the time that is creative. – See more at: http://yourhappinessway.com/gratitude-fuels-the-law-of-attraction/#sthash.vuDJrP8w.dpuf

Where our mind is at the 95% of the time is what we attract into our lives.  What an amazing insight!  I can spend time when I meditate or am alone to think about the things that I want and where I want to be.  But that makes me lose focus on where I am and the gratitude that I should show.  At one time or another, I thought about what I wanted.  The reality that I am living in now is pretty much based on that thought.  My discomfort with the moment is where I am vs. where I think I should be.

I have a great family.  I have a wife that really loves me and is a perfect match for me.  I have two beautiful kids that are wild and obnoxious at times, but are creative and smart.  They look at life as something to live and they look to me to help them live it.  I have parents, an extended family and great set of friends that love me and I love.  This includes some great spiritual friends from all walks of life where our blue and yellow paths have merged to form a green one.

And beyond the superficial stuff, I am glad that I live where I do.  I am glad that America is a country that supports my rights as an individual.  As corrupt as my government can seem at times, it is a far sight better than other places.  I don’t have to worry about going to the mall and getting blown up.  I don’t have to worry about freedoms, epidemics or being attacked.  I don’t have to worry about clean water or access to healthcare.  I don’t have to worry about that much really.

I have a job that does not take a lot of my time and allows me to be with my family.  I get paid well enough to support my wife only working part time and a house in the suburbs.  (Ha, I really live in the burbs).  I am healthy and pretty much everyone around me is healthy most of the time.  I am able to spend a little money frivolously and give some to charity.  I am able to eat dinner out with my family or go to a play.  I have no real wants outside of my desires to want more.

Screenshot from 2014-04-08 22:32:13

I would like to take more trips, including taking my parents to Hawaii.  I would like to know that my family is taken care of, my in-laws can all retire and be free from debt.  I would like to work on something that would make a difference in the world.  I would like to be able to employee my friends or anyone that wants to work doing “good”.  I would like to be able to give back.  I would be grateful.

But I am grateful now.  I am very lucky actually.  To be born where I was.  To have loving family and friends.  To be able to do pretty much what I want, when I want.  Thank you for the reminder, Lorane.  I am grateful.

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I have been looking externally for a vision on what I should do at work.  I have been waiting for something to just take away the responsibility and just tell me what I should do.  I spoke with my manager today about how I don’t have a clear vision of my career path.  He told me that instead of waiting or depending on others for a vision, I should create one for my department and grow it from the inside out.  I had never really looked at it that way.  I have been looking externally for direction, when the only place that I can really look is internally.

How can I find work that will give me joy?

Some things seem obvious when you say them or put them on paper.  I then beat myself up over not realizing it sooner, but the thing is that it is all part of the process.  I am exactly where I need to be and I need to let that sink in.  I need to let it fill my whole body.  No matter my perceived mistakes or successes, I am where I am and that is the only place that I can be at this moment.

So I changed the name of the blog.  The old addresses still work.  You can still even go to bullzen.wordpress.com, it will just redirect to middlepane.com.  I had a thought in mind for the name middle pane, but I just don’t feel that thought any more.  So, I am just some guy, you know.  Until I am something else, I suppose.

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Water doesn’t react, it flows

Even a rock changes over time

Eroded by the elements

Permanence of any kind is a myth

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Work with the World

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I spend a lot of my time thinking about how I could change things if only the world were different.  If there were different conditions or if people behaved different than they do now.  The powers running countries and religions and whatever should do this so that I can do that.

But it doesn’t work like that does it?  Trying to change an external force or blaming it for our lack of action is just ridiculous.  Change comes within us first.  Instead of opposing the external forces, we can learn to work with them.  Yin and yang.  The external does not have to change for the internal to change.  Internal change produces external change, and yet both exist as they are.

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My Awakening Experience and Moving Forward

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This post is part of a series of posts that was initiated by Barbara of Me My Magnificent Self. In this challenge each blogger writes of their own experience and then highlights the blogger that will be posting the next in the series. For all the original detail please see the January Challenge on Barabra’s own blog and for the next in this series please go to DottaRaphels.   I am posting after the insightful, stupendous, marvelous, magnificent madam M.  A very tough act to follow.  For a full schedule of contributors scroll down to the bottom of this post.


ObviousState – http://www.etsy.com/shop/ObviousState

So, what is awakening?  I will skip looking up the Webster’s dictionary definition of the word and go to the heart of how I define awakening.  To me, being awake is being aware and mindful that reality is deeper than what we perceive on the surface.  I keep wanting to assign additional attributes to this that are more feelings than realization of the true nature of things.

Based on this simple definition, am I awake?  I would have to say no, but I think the key here is to look at this as a verb and not a noun.  I am not awake, but I am awakening.  This is a process.  One of growth and determination.  One where I must drop the search to truly find.  I am awakening.  I am.

“That which makes you think that you are a human is not human. It is but a dimensionless point of consciousness, a conscious nothing; all you can say about yourself is: ‘I am’. You are pure being-awareness-bliss. To realize that is the end of all seeking. You come to it when you see all you think yourself to be as a mere imagination and stand aloof in pure awareness of the transient as transient, imaginary as imaginary, unreal as unreal.”

Mirror Image

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Do you see yourself only when you look in a mirror?  Or do you also see yourself when you  look at everything you encounter?  Just as a mirror reflects a physical representation of how you view yourself, the world reflects your true nature.  Your immediate surroundings represent, in physical form, things that you like.  You surround yourself with things that make you happy and things that you think you need to live the life that you think you want.

analyzing mirror self-recognition
analyzing mirror self-recognition (Photo credit: TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³)

Your surroundings can be neat or cluttered, also representing the state of your being.  You can take actions to change your surroundings by creating or destroying.  Your actions reflect your mind state and your reaction to those actions may represent something else entirely.  There can be a conflict between the action and the emotion related to that action.  That must surely represent that you are out of harmony with yourself (Karma).  At this point you have to step back and feel the emotion, but not judge it.  With awareness, you can change your actions.

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More Thoughts on Karma

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In this crudely drawn chart I am trying to show that karma is based upon what we have vs. what we want.  If we want more than what we have then we have bad karma.  If we want less than we have, then that is good karma.  And having karma is OK.  A person that is grateful for they have, still has karma since they still perceive that they have something.  There is still abundance with karma.   And of course good karma is better than bad, but why compare or regret anything at all?

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Happy Old Year!!

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Happy New Year!

Happy new year, but what a great “old” one too!!  I want to express my sincere thanks to everyone that follows this blog.  Your support through, likes, comments, follows, views, really helps me feel good about what I am writing.  I know that I probably clash or challenge some of your beliefs at times, but the interactions here have really helped me to grow and develop myself and my path.  Just looking at the graph of views and visitors this past year really speaks to me.  I have had a steady stream of views and visitors since I started posting regularly and interacting more.

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Pattern Awareness

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There is an anger inside of me that I cannot explain

It robs the current moment of the joy it should have

I look for something missing and I find it

We always find what we are looking for

But the perfect moment isn’t there

It is here

My anger comes from me wanting what I cannot have

The perfect moment outside of this one

This moment

This moment with all of its scars and stars

Is the perfect one

Everything is just a pattern

Is this where déjà vu comes from?

The recognition of the pattern can cause the pattern to change

The awareness was not there before and it is now

The awakened being sees all patterns

And exists in a patternless state

With knowledge of all patterns

Of all possibilities

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We are all perfect

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To think different is to forget

Forget that we are part of one

That separation is an illusion

That everyone we meet is a mirror of ourselves

And of everyone else

Of how we see the world

And if everything is part of the same

How can anything not be perfect?

Matter has consciousness because we give it consciousness

It is our consciousness

Everything is consciousness or awareness

It exists because we exist

And we exist because it exists

Maybe it is time to stop questioning existence

And just exist

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